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“Know you think people are gonna be interested in this but they re not i i ve probably been working on this for two years two years. I mean usually write a bit in a couple days. It s a long time to spend on something that means absolutely nothing. But that s what i do that s what people want me to do is spend a lot of time wastefully.
So that then i can then waste their time comedy writing is something you don t see people doing. It s a secretive thing. I ve never shown anybody this stuff. I feel a little funny about it right now to tell you the truth music in comedy.
What you do is you think of something that you think is funny and then you go from there it s a fun thing to say pop tart. I like the first line to be funny right away. When i was a kid and they invented the pop tart. The back of my head blew right off and that that got the whole thing started that a specific part of my head blew off not just my head.
But just the back it was the 60s and we had toast we had orange juice that was frozen years in advance that you had a hack away out with a knife to get a couple of drops. And it felt like you were committing a murder before you got on your school bus then i talked about shredded wheat. Which was like wrapping your lips around a wood chipper you have breakfast and then you had to take two days off for the scars to heal. So you could speak again music you always write on always yeah.
Yeah no i don t like that cursor. Flash and looking at me like so what do you got mm hmm. Yes. The the bic clear barrel blue which i wrote every episode of seinfeld.
The tv series with that pen larry and i used to we used to write him longhand because you can t be in this. Oh that s a drag so in the midst of that dark and hopeless moment. The pop tart suddenly appeared in the supermarket and we just stared at it like an alien spacecraft. And we were like we were like chimps in the dirt playing with sticks.
What makes that joke is you got chimps dirt playing and sticks and seven words for them are funny chimps chimps are funny then there s the trying to america as a kid how did they know that there would be a need for a frosted fruit filled. He double rectangle in the same shape as the box. It comes in and with the same nutrition as the box. It comes in in the midst of that darkness and hopelessness.
The kellogg s pop tart appears and there was laughs. There because that indicates always telling us a story and then my next joke that i m want to get to is chimps in the dirt with sticks. So now i m looking for the connective tissue that gives me that really tight smooth link like a like a jigsaw puzzle. Link and if it s too long.
If it s just that split second too long you will shave letters off of words. You count syllables. You know to get it just. It s more like songwriting music.
Then i had to figure out how to end the thing. And that s the hardest part. If you have a long bit. The biggest laugh has to be at the end.
It has to be can t be in the middle or the beginning. And this was very daunting once this pop tart had come into the world. I didn t understand why why we were still eating other kinds of food because this seemed to being definitely. The new way to in the packet and two slots in the toaster.
Why to one s not enough threes. Too many and they can t go stay up cuz. They weren t ever fresh. They can t go stale cuz.
They weren t ever fresh that was that took a long time and it i know it sounds like nothing and it is nothing you know in my world. The wronger. Something feels the writer. It is so to waste this much time on something this stupid is that s that felt good to me.
It s the exact opposite of what we do here at the times. Which is we spend appropriate amounts of time on deserving subjects. So i m the exact opposite inappropriate and undeserving subjects. ” .
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Jerry Seinfeld describes the anatomy of his Pop-Tart joke, still a work in progress, and shows his longhand writing process.
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Jerry Seinfeld Interview: How to Write a Joke The New York Times
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